Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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