Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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