I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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