im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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