Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
