so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
