i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
