How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
