based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
