I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
