check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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