I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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