Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
