I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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