failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
