You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
