OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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