Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
