3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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