dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
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Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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