she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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