It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize