p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
time to smoke my breakfast
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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