I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
