If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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