Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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