nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So vagazzling was a success
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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