I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
