Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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