im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
