is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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