wat bout pragnant strippers??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
