Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i came on her dog
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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