Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
