just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
