so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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