I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
