You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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