You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize