Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
