he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
