toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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