And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
