Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
