Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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