She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
