he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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