Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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