i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
