; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.