"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst