I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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