They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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