We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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