Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
