probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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