Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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