Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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