checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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