Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
