I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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