we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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