I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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