UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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