Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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