He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
