i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
