I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
