I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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