Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
